Ok, I've been blogging steadily since 8pm. I've completed my 3rd and 4th testimonies and I'm now starting on my 5th. There's plenty to write and it's not often that I have time at home to slack and most of all, it's not often that I am this disciplined. I guess it had to do with today's service. But more on that later.
In the 2nd encounter, I wrote about the 1st day of Alpha and that God spoke to me to read his word and he will bless me with the gift of tongue among other things. It is with shame to admit that I'm at the chapter on Matthew. Yes, it's the new testament, I know. But you see, I started with the new testament and Matthew is the first chapter. In other words, my spanking new and gorgeous leather bible in lovely shades of brown has been sitting beside my pillow as a... white elephant! WTF Pearl!
In my 3rd week or so to church, we had a Holy Spirit Baptism service where T turned around and asked if I wanted to be baptised in the Holy Spirit. She explained that it was to accept the Holy Spirit in my life and to guide me in my thoughts and words, one of the manifestations or signs that I have been baptised was that I would be able to speak in tongues. What's the big deal about speaking in tongues? It is a form of communication with the Holy Spirit because as human beings, we are limited by language during prayers and tongues help in prayers where the mind is limited in vocabulary.
I readily agreed and my entire life group of 15-20 people surrounded me and started to pray over me. During the entire time, my eyelids were twitching and large teardrops were falling freely, I had this warm sensation from the pit of of stomach and it flowed to the rest of the body. At that point, I prayed to God that if he thinks I'm ready, give me the gift. The prayers went on and on... if we were in an wuxia film, you would have seen smoke rising out from me and everyone else. It felt that powerful.When the prayers ended, everyone looked at my expectantly and I squeaked, in English. No speaking in tongue. My LG mates patted me and told me it's ok, we'll try again next time. I was fine with it, having already told God to only give it to me when I am ready. I'm fine with not being ready in the eyes of God because I'm still a newborn Christian. The amazing thing was, I really think that the Holy Spirit is living in me because I felt light and was singing hymns in my head as I headed home. I started to read more online, the descriptions were mostly described in Corinthians and Acts.
Months later, it was Saturday, the day before Cebu trip. We were at T's place, doing some last minute prep work and basically, praying for the trip. T suddenly turned around and asked if I want to be baptised in the Holy Spirit again. I was hesitant because during the weeks leading up to the trip, I was insanely busy and I haven't done much in my relationship with God. I went for Alpha, I went for LG, I went to Church but I did nothing on my own. T explained that it will be good because during the trip, working with the Holy Spirit will help us to know what to do and to do more. I liken it to having a mentor living inside me, letting me know who to reach out to and what to do.
So, with apprehension, I went into T's bedroom with T and V and we prayed. I prayed fervently for it, but guess what, nothing happened. In my head, I was thinking... shit la Pearl, God told you already, read his word! T & V advised me to continue praying when I get home. It was not possible. I was running home to pack, drag my luggage to bro's place where I have been staying as my parents were out of town, also, there was a lot of work to do and handover since I'll be gone for a week. At 1am, I was still dinner-less and typing furiously at my laptop. At 2am, I ate my delivered Macs dinner. When I finally settled down, I prayed but wasn't able to do anything more. At 4, I drifted off to sleep and overslept! I was supposed to meet WJ, who's staying a few blocks away at 5.45am. When he called, it was 6! I panicked and started washing up. I don't even have time to think! As we whizzed to the airport, I was too nervous and high-strung to sort out my thoughts as well.
We got there in one piece despite the airline hiccups.It was a wonderful experience at Cebu, I want to do it again and again.
What I want to highlight in terms of my own testimony, is something that is conflicting and even at this point, 1.5 months after the trip, I'm still wondering if everything is real.
It was the 4th day at Cebu, we were having our morning prayer session for our trip out to a slum later. It was a very very hot and humid day and the room was like an oven even though the air-conditioner was switched on. Turns out that K had mistook the 'high' button for making the temperature cooler... haha... so, in the hot weather, we kinda turned the air-conditioner into a radiator. We didn't know and continued to pray while being baked.
Heat and humidity makes me sleepy. In that state, I started to hallucinate. I saw a lady in bed, she looked very pale and in cold sweat, her hair was matted around her face while the rest was tied in a messy bun. I knew she was taking her last few breaths and didn't quite know how to save her. Next thing I knew, she had a white sheet over her face. K tried to pump her for heartbeat but couldn't save her. It was unnerving and I suddenly was back in our room again, jolted to consciousness. I was feeling a bit paiseh for falling asleep and even dreaming when I was supposed to be praying.
Anys, I thought nothing of it and we went on preparing for the items to bring to the slum. We made cocoa porridge, packed gifts and that day, we will be going to a slum under a highway. Once we got there, we busied with our responsibilities, I was helping WJ with cleaning the wounds of the kids while the rest were setting up the clearing for games and worship.
Once we were done with the medical part, all of us joined the rest to entertain the kids and do some praise and worship. We had a birthday boy that day, his name is Jhosua, everyone gathered around him and sang him a birthday song. He turned 11 that day and he looked so shy and happy and I just had this warm feeling and felt the need to give him something to make his day even better. They are poor people and he probably didn't get much. I made a mental note to look for something to give to him after we are done with distributing the cocoa porridge
When everything was done, it was already dark. I remembered the present, dug around my pockets and felt something strange, took it out and saw that I've brought another torchlight out. I brought along 2 torch lights to Cebu and after the visit to the 1st slum, we realised that the day ends very early in there. The sun sets by 5 and by 5.30-6pm, it felt like 9pm in Singapore. Hence, from the 2nd slum visit onwards, I'd bring along one of the torch lights, the brightest one. The other torchlight is not useful where the need to illuminate is concerned. It's cute though, because when you press the button, and face the torchlight to the wall, it flashes the time. For some reason, while digging through my luggage before I left the base earlier, I have popped that cute torchlight into my pocket as well. I felt like Doraemon - I have my Lucas Paw Paw cream for my LG mates (they get bites and I don't because the skin on my legs are too dry and probably do not look succulent to the mosquitoes), mosquito patches, plasters, antiseptic wet tissues, normal tissues, camera, torch lights, and even a mini-speaker... all in my pockets.
I didn't spot Jhosua anywhere and walked to a group of kids to ask about him. A few of them ran off to get him while I wandered around the main area, talking to the dwellers. After chatting with one family for about 20mins, Jhosua was still not in sight. I went to the kids again and they said he's nearby, pointing towards another direction. Thinking he was just probably a few steps away, I asked to be brought to him. I stupidly didn't tell my LG mates where I was going thinking it wouldn't take a few seconds. I climbed up some steps and followed the kids. I turned into an alley and it was pitch dark. I couldn't see where I was going and compared the to the kids who were walking quickly, I was stumbling a little because there were holes on the ground and we were walking up a slope. I was getting nervous and I didn't have my mobile because we were told not to carry wallets, phones or valuables with us. Suddenly, one of the kids from the WYAM base appeared next to me, his name is Jet Jet. He was like a guardian angel to us. He said, 'Pearl, I will go with you' and I felt so much safer.
Finally, I found Jhosua. He was smiling but slightly bewildered that this weird woman is looking all over the place for him. I wished him happy birthday and gave him the torchlight, prayed for him and told him to be a good boy. The look on his face was... indescribable. He looked so happy! It's just a torchlight, yet, it could bring such joy and I wished I had more to give. He was with his mother, Susan and she hugged me and said thank you as well. We started chatting more in the alley and we kind of hit it off, she was speaking slowly and hesitantly in English while I was trying my best to speak slowly and simply, there was a connection and we held hands and walked. Before I knew it, I was walking further away from the clearing and when I realised, I told Susan that I needed to get back because my LG mates will be looking for me, I was probably gone for 30mins already. She held onto my hands and said she has so much sadness she wished she could tell me. I asked if I could pray for her and she readily agreed. I said a simple one for her to lean on God for support in times of need and to walk closer with him. After that, I asked her if she wanted to share her problems - she told me that her husband has another woman and he's been doing that for a year, they are poor and she works at the slaughterhouse.
It was very humid that night when she suddenly flipped back her long hair, I got a shock. It was the woman I saw in my state of hallucination.
I was terrified and in a panic, if something bad is going to happen to her, what should I do? I started telling her that she has got a very adorable son and he looks like a very good boy. She agreed and say that although he isn't good in his studies, he is an obedient boy who tells her every day that he loves her. I was nodding furiously and telling her that she must be strong for her him and she is all he has got. When 2 of my LG mates, WJ and R appeared, I started waving madly at them. They were looking all over for me. I wanted to run away from Susan for a while and needed a reason, I asked if they needed help from the packing and seeing that Susan was holding on tightly to my hands, they said it's fine and that I can continue talking with Susan more. I asked pointedly again and not getting it, they said it was fine and they walked back to the clearing. In my head, I was screaming... don't leave meeeee, I need help!!!
I started to urgently tell Susan that God is really amazing, he can heal heartbreaks. Told her briefly that my 6-year relationship ended and it felt like the end of the world but a few months on, I'm better. I told her to have faith in him and to pray and pray for him to help. She smiled and said she would, told me she is much much better because she knows she is cared for and for someone to come all the way from Singapore to tell her this, she is very touched. I was slightly relieved. Soon, I saw our van ahead and everyone else was there packing and waiting for me. I couldn't bear to go and she was holding on to my hands and wept, it was a touching experience.
Turns out that K has got a present for Jhosua as well. It was a pillow that we used as a prop as K's belly. In the skit, K is supposed to be a very fat boy. We had no use for the cushion as it was the last of our ministry work for children and we'll be visiting the prison next. Incidentally, the cushion had the alphabet 'S' printed on it. Jhosua gave it to Susan. It was very sweet of him and she looked really touched. And we left.
That night, I related the whole incident to my LG mates and they were shocked though they laughed at my panic when the guys went away despite my pointed hints. I was worried about Susan and prayed on what I needed to do for them. No answers yet. Spoke to the leader of the based the next day about it and she told me that Susan's daughter, who used to be very obedient, just got herself pregnant. She's only 16 and she is not married. Did the death in the dream/vision mean an emotional death? I do not know.
I'm still waiting for God to tell me what to do about them.
And guess what, I think, for a short while, I had a gift of visions. Though it has never happened again, I'm still moved by His power to do the work through me. Maybe, I was really sent there to offer words of comfort to her.
I still can't speak in tongues.
Service today spoke about being a new person in God and that God is not a fickle-minded God and he always delivers on his promise. I suddenly remembered about the bible and went 'oh shit' under my breath. The ex, who miraculously asked to go for service with me today heard. Afterwards, I told her about the promise and she too, reminded me about the sermon - God is not a fickle-minded God. Ok, Father, I can take hints and signs. I'll need to work out a bible reading plan.
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