Why are flies attracted to light?

My biggest source of motivation is not around to study with me today, so here I am, home for more than an hour, still in going out clothes and willing myself to get my ass out to hit the books with the aid of ice-blended mocha and caesar salad. I knew it was a mistake to come home first. You might be wondering why I can't make do with studying at home - I just can't. Not on a messy table in a room with warm orange lighting and the internet (look what happened?). Besides, I'm tired. Bone tired.

I've been doing crap work the whole day. I guess that sums up the whole thing quite nicely? I do crap work and I feel like I am becoming THE crap person. Pearl handles crap, give her a glove and she's good to go.

It's amazing how when I was at mcn, I was more sure of myself than I am now.

I was just thinking about how I miss shift work. Haha. Really, I do. I miss going out on on weekdays off. I miss going to St Bernadette's and just sitting there for a while, enjoying the peace. Ok, I think I'm in one of those dissatisfied mood. Maybe that's why I'm unhappy with everything. I know for a fact that when I was in mcn, I HATED not being able to go out on weekends , not having public hols off like eveyone else, hated to have to ballot for CNY off days.

I think I deserve everything, because I made myself go through all these. Really, I made all the choices and I never felt more stuck.

Ok, I think I'd better end off here. I think my source of motivation will understand. I'm just beyond words at this point and I shouldn't force myself anymore.