It's early morning, and already... I don't feel too good. Need to write it down.

It started on Mon when Poh Suan & Vincent asked me if I was leaving... so I thought that some how when I was on leave, it became a known fact and I didn't question how they knew, but I did feel uncomfortable answering questions.

All along, I didn't try to conceal the fact from the few darling ones at work, never did. In fact, I whine an awful lot to them- from the intention, to the grouses, the fear of being too comfortable, the insecurity, the fear that I might have been too impulsive, the horrible pay, the horror of submitting the letter... they all knew because I knew they would understand what I meant, the same ones would also know about my 'crooked' side.

I'm 100% sure that it didn't leak out from them... GRRR... it probably came out from someone who HAD to know and then it went to some heimeigui and... go figure how kpos work.

The thing is... I haven't submitted my letter formally. I wanted to... but I wasn't firm enough with boss. And now, I'm submitting it on the 15th April, no more delays. I'm not very happy, but because I have a problem with guilt, I don't know how to handle it and I hate to feel as though I owe someone something, I wasn't fair to myself. By asking me to stay on a little bit more, a little bit more and a little bit more... so much that it's closing in on to the bonus month, but I won't be getting it. Hahaha. I'm so stupid. What there to feel guilty about? But yet I did... maybe if I wasn't taking a 7-day mc for the op next week, I wouldn't be feeling like I did them wrong. I'm really really stupid.

I went in with the scripts a few mins ago and Ms Ding said very conversationally that she heard that I'm resigning. Oh dear god. I think I cringed enough this morning.