Dear diary,

Hmm... I don't know why I'm starting with the above- guess its just for this posting. Long bus rides can really do wonders. Thought a lot about some things... or rather- wondered a lot about those things.

How should I start? Ok, its weird but I feel as though I'm turning into another Estella. For anyone who read Great Expectations, you will know what I mean- not the show... the leads in the show doesn't do any justice to the characters except for Anne Bancroft (hope i got the name right, too lazy to check... but well, despite my lack of enthusiasm for the portrayal of characters, I still think that Ethan Hawke is hot .) and to be exact, I feel that I'm becoming Estella only in character, no, not in the area of looks or magnetism.

Been feeling... I dunno... the closest word I can come up with is void- never genuinely happy, never sad, never excited. Just tired. It's been like this for the past few months. I think the last time I felt really upset was when my friend told me that the person that I fancy (i can't bring myself to use another word) was with someone else. I just called Ting and started bawling, giving her a very bad scare. Come to think of it, the tears came from a mixture of sadness and that of a crushed ego. Not because X didn't like me, but because the partner of X was never someone I considered an adversary. Lol... all the undue smugness. Guess what? I still shamelessly think that I'm better than X's partner any time and I'm happy to say that most of my friends agree, but of course they are my friends- not X or X's partner's. Sore loser? No, I'm not being one. I always detach my feelings when judging someone. I guess X's partner must've been special in a way that I failed to notice. Not that I want to notice, lead me not into truth, but to blissful ignorance. (the term 'ignoria non excusat' absolutely does not apply. At least, not in this situation.) Anyway, to each his own.

Well anyway, after that day... I just morphed into an Estella. No, X wasn't the primary reason why I became like that. Some other things. I suppose its good cos nothing can make me upset and nothing can make me happy either (save for good grades and $). Is this good? Really, is this good? For now, I feel fine- just like I do about everything. I just wonder where the person who used to feel so much about so many things went. I really really wonder and also, if that person would return just as suddenly as she vanished. Should I be scared if she does because it would mean vulnerablity? Ah well, other than a sense of bewilderment, I'm fine.

Such grey thoughts.

On a lighter note, weekend was good. Watched The Butterfly Effect with Ting, Ed and Xav yesterday. The movie is interestingly dark and it traumatised us quite a bit. The ending, in stark contrast to the rest of the show, was thankfully much saner. Is the show NC-16/18? It has some violent scenes. Walked (yes, walked at 2am becos we felt like doing so.) home with Xav who stayed over, stopping by at DC to look for Guss. It was lucky how we managed to catch her before DC closes. Another 10mins or so and we probably would've wound up staring at an empty and locked pub.

Met up with Sheena together with Xav at Bugis today as I needed to take some pictures of CAN's for feat 1. Hung around before heading there, thanks to the sudden downpour. Sheena's first time at CAN's and she took to that place- it would've been terrible if she didn't like it as we were supposed to meet in town. Making her stay there if she didn't like the place would be quite bad. Her pretty friend joined us later and 4 of us played dai dee- my first time. Ah, what a bumpkin. Won most of the time thanks to a combination of Xav's help and beginners' luck.

SMU with Shups tmr for her feat 2. Some hiphop/breakdancing event. Shall check out the courses available there at the same time. Reunion dinner on Mon with Pammie and gang... shesh, forgot about it and made plans to watch Monster. Oh no... badly want to watch the show; Charlize Theron's the best!

Yay, finished reading Bridget Jones Diary 2 earlier and I shall try to complete RD's short stories by tonight. If only I feel motivated to complete work as I do with leisure reading.

Alright, the end of a long, boring and painfully honest post.