I'm an irritating child. Parents are on school holiday and they cook supper a lot. And I just scuttle out to eat their food. I'm like a cat at dinner time - relentlessly greedy.

Went up to be prayed over by the leaders today. I just basically wanted to settle my heart condition with God - in the touchy feely heart sense, not about the cholesterol-laden heart.

So J prayed for me and she saw an operating theatre where surgeons were sewing a heart back. That there are a lot of aches in the heart where it feels like I've been in this state for the longest time and God knows and he's putting it back together and when I wasin the operating theatre, going through the pain, he was with me and helping me with the healing part. 

The next  few months is going to be different. I will see changes. Lord, forgive me for not having enough faith at this point because I've allowed myself to ignore and just glide over pain, never letting myself be healed. I know you are doing a massive op, but I just cannot see how I will be changed. Help me have faith. Help me feel you.