It's been a very trying 2 days.

Some parts of it was... I've been replaced by someone whom I don't like much. Most parts of it was... the person whom I didn't like much was pulling a lot of stunts to hurt and that bothers me a lot. 

I hate to admit it, perhaps - I'm jealous. That she is able to talk more to him, they are closer and he does like to talk to her a lot. 

Most parts of it was that... she knows how I felt about him. Yet yesterday, she came over to me not once, not twice but 3 times in total boasting about something which he gave her. I'm not joking when she immediately raised the present up and said 'look!'. A second time was during lunch, when she said 'did you see it, so cute right? i hung it on my table...' and a third time probably thinking that i need her boasting like i need my 3 meals, again 'he gave me this, he's so sweet right? apparently he bought a lot and he gave me one.' I mean, perhaps the first time it was okay and normal... but the third time? My face nearly cracked from smiling too widely and trying to nod in an interested manner. When I talked to my friends later at night, they were asking why he got her something... but i felt that i am not in any place to wonder about anything. People buy things for people that they wanna buy things for - i was more upset that she's again up to her old tricks. Not just in terms of him, but in many other things. She's someone i absolutely cannot trust cos she knows my weaknesses and makes use of them to her advantage. we used to be good friends, but maybe i was mistaken. 

It came to a point where i couldn't stay at work and just was dying to get out - which i did. I found myself asking god to just please, give me strength and not do something spiteful in return - right then, the story - great expectations came to mind - mrs havisham to be specific, where towards the end of the story, she told pip that in her own pain, she forgot others'. i don't know why i thought of that, but it did lift the ache a little. i was reminded of why - no matter what she did, i never lashed out - because i did know her and i did know that she is someone who bears grudges and holds a lot of things in her heart - disappointments, heartaches, unfulfilled promises. she couldn't, or perhaps didn't want to let them go and as a result, she's just the way she is and that's why we are the way we are now. her target used to be H, whom i always felt she was jealous of, now it's me, probably because she felt i was undeserving of a lot of things. i really wanted to ask her, to talk to her, ask her why she is doing such things. i can understand why she is the way she is, but i cannot be at the receiving end all the time. it's taxing. really taxing.