Went to bed with a splitting headache, aching muscles and a heavy heart. Woke up 3 hours later and I can't go fall back to sleep, guess I should stay up until its time to go for tuition.

Zouk was great. Until everything spiralled out of control. Again.

Had a great drink and was quite happy to bump into some old friends and see that they are well and happy. Went nearer to the stage to join Lett, Keny and the rest just when the Femme Quest was about to begin so we could get a better view of the contestants. 2 of them were very pretty- this air stewardess and Nic's favourite choice. Saw Mel and her gf after that, thought you'll be with them, wanted to ask them about it until I realisd that it was still pretty early for you as you probably had work before coming. Thought you'll call or msg when you arrive... that was what I would do if my friends are already at a place and that I'll be late. Was told later that you won't be coming. I was surprised because you told me you were coming. As your friend, I should've msged immediately to ask what happened, but I didn't... not because I didn't want to see you, but because I was preoccupied and unhappy- if we had talked, you would've known why. Maybe you can guess why.

To say that I wasn't feeling worried about 2 of you meeting later would be a lie. I was scared and I didn't want another shouting match. BUT it doesn't mean that I didn't want to see you. (that's the 2nd time I'm saying this.) Put yourself in my shoes, if you had 2 friends that are on bad terms, wouldn't you be worried about what will happen when both parties meet? Yes, I was worried, but I thought maybe things might get better too. Hamster was asking before if you will be with us and believe me, it wasn't with contempt or unhappiness.

Saw you later and I was surprised. I was thinking you look nice (i'm sorry i always say weird things when talking about a serious topic), wanted to go over, then I saw someone. The rest of the story, we all know.

I'm sorry for keeping quiet all the time while we were outside. I just didn't know to say. It scares me when you shout, it scares me when you hurt yourself and it hurts me because I knew better how much you were hurting inside. I wanted to get up and talk to you but I didn't think there was anything I could say which will solve everything at the same time I felt extremely weary. I'm tired. I think you feel the same. As we were leaving, I wanted so much to hold your hand but there was nothing else I could say because I could guess what you were thinking. (not to mention the fact that there was a certain cocky, smart-aleck stranger sitting with you which I wanted to kick myself later for not saying what I wanted to say to her. I'll finish what I want to say to here 'hey fuck you, i don't owe you a single bloody thing, so what you you mean by the phrase 'the only thing you can do to help now is to tell michelle to come back because we are hungry.' go to hell ok? who gives a flying fuck that you are hungry? why? wanna eat to fill that void in your thick skull which is obviously empty? mind your own fucking business. some people just don't know when to keep their big gaps SHUT. hey? i'm trying to help you here- keeping quiet is the best way to conceal your ignorance, you know? I don't know if you'll read it but it'll give me immerse satisfaction if you did, lowlife.) -> I didn't say that earlier because I was taken aback at the things that comes out from people's mouth at times and also, I didn't want to shout at someone when I really wanted to talk to you but couldn't find the words and I didn't dare to touch you.

I don't know what else to say and I seem to be saying this very often... there really is nothing to be said.

You asked if I was enjoying myself. Pearly? It was a yes and no.