醒来的感觉 很好

Today, I finally decided to let go. The feeling is quite liberating. I deleted the entire chat, I did hover for a second, wondering if I should email the chat to my mailbox but... No, no more of that. I really don't wanna live in the past, looking at the past chumminess, any hidden meanings, trying to find reasons to be good to you. I just don't want to anymore.

All it took, was for me to realise that - you never did care for me or trusted me enough. When you said you wanted to tell me something, what made you hold back time and again, stalling for time, making me look like an idiot, asking you again and again when honestly, it really didn't matter to me where to went or what you did, as long as you were happy? Sincerely. 

And you kept making me ask you when you didn't have the intention to tell me anything. Why? Was I not to be trusted? Yet you could tell someone else that easily that something you withheld from me time and again? Do you know why I asked you about it so many times? Not because I wanted to know, it doesn't change my life or change the fact that you were leaving, but because some stupid part me of thought that if I didn't follow up to ask, you'll think that I didn't care enough cos you specifically asked me to check back with you. Again and again, like an idiot, I did. 

Today, after talking to bestie about it, telling her about how someone does already know. She turned around and told me - forget about him already, he's not worth it. For a friend who indulged in me whenever I whined about you, that was something. I just woke up. 

What were your intentions, making me ask and ask? Now, you ought to be happy that there's one less stupid person to bother you. 

You never did ask after me, I was happily giving and giving and I didn't realise what was so blatantly obvious - you didn't give a shit about me.  It was my fault for being stupid. 

I won't again.